thyroid – CosmopolitanMuse

It’s another one of those solitude soaked nights again; where my pillow becomes heavy with pain like pollen, floating from space to space and joint to joint–aimlessly the night buzzes in the stillness.

Softly, I remove the Summer-light lavender comforter from my burdened body, thinking (but really praying) that the two pounds will loosen the weight of the day, the days I’ve spent carrying around such a burden of illness in my gypsy bones.

They are always stunned, confused. I have always been a fairy with clipped wings. Hour-by-hour tracing steps to see how I could’ve done something better, leaving trails of pixie dust in my wake, across the eyes of my believers, but for some reason never enough for me.

I should’ve married Peter Pan, sewn my glitter into the threads of his shadow while we forever traveled to and from our Neverland, never landing on times past or reverie. But, I spent too much time on Captain Hook with his clock–my inner child–counting down the wasted away years he planned to steal.

He played the parts of savior and captor together all too well, the Captain. Smiling his crocodile smile through waters deep, and had jaws of death and jagged life just the same.

But around here, there is no luxury of retrospection, only present tense or future flux. It seems as though space remains incomprehensible to many, but when all you have is ‘the state between’, you tend to notice the nuisance of change.

I wish five years ago before my RA diagnosis, I would have been more aware of my ‘state between’–would have recognized the flutter of my fairy wings and the pulsing of my gypsy heart. In previous years I would spend too much time pondering the could have beens, would haves, should haves if I only might haves!

These days, even during nights like these while I’m stuck in the ‘state between’ and hot tempestuous pain, I sit in the present, stay thankful for tomorrow, and allow my gypsy heart to perambulate without concern.

As pixie dust slowly begins to soften my steps, my journey–I remember the song of my heart– my purpose of channeling pain into purpose into passion. Then, sharing my passion with you 💜

Well!!!!! It’s that day again–Monday 😩

The first day of the week when we just try to make it through until the weekend, again. The day when all of Friday night and Saturday day’s festivities have either taken their toll, or created a slow-burning, yearning down in our souls whispering to us, “Do it again…Do it again”.

But I mean, how many times can one excitedly leave the couch to triumphantly answer the door for Amazon Prime deliveries?? In FRESH pjs nonetheless! How can we ever top the fascination of finally washing that laundry that’s been sitting stacked in our laundry room for two weeks because our legs, wrist, shoulders, waist (body) has been too tired to move along with our own existence? And wait! What about just the triumph alone of not canceling plans with your in town/out of touch friends for once?! Like, it has been about two months since you’ve seen anything outside of your own four walls, your office, and that coworker who always hangs around your cubicle giving you puppy dog pity faces even though she has absolutely no idea what chronic illnesses you have–and if Laura and Jessica say one more time, “Oh. My. God! I have terrible cramps, too! Period sisters!!”–you will seriously start to fantasize about which Lifetime movie you can reenact without getting caught and going to jail, citing temporary insanity…A woman finally snaps on office workers who don’t bother to look up what endometriosis is and constantly compare their butterfly 🦋 fluttering of period cramps to the T-Rex 🦖 stomping inside her uterus on a daily basis in…‘Endo Put Her To An End, Yo’. Yes! Such amazing triumphs throughout this past weekend, and I’m sure so many more to come this week. All of us with chronic pain and illnesses know that even the minute of accomplishments are mountains to many of us! And for that very reason, I wanted to start off this week with some of my favorite chronic pain and chronic illness memes I have come across! If you happen to find any that you’d like to share, please feel free to comment them below OR email them to me @britr2002@yahoo.com and I’ll put them in my post next Monday morning!